Daybreak squeezes the darkness out of midnight, whilst the horizon awakens from its starry slumber. The map of meaning that is spackled to the empty sky flickers on and off as the morning sun bathes the valley with a showing of bravado. If there is ever a moment that I find myself stuck in forever, I shall just fall behind and let the path unwind and allow my steps to carry me back to this very morning.
When stuckness situates within me, I must choose to allow serenity the opportunity to stretch it limbs. For serenity can lessen the pressure on the valve of apprehension with time. When it does, a hiss of hope summons an inspired posture. An effervescent burst of ingenuity fills the champagne kissed air with the color of persistence…
…and that is how I guess one can fight off a brief dust-ridden wind from the drought of written thought…
As much as I blame the “block”, I may be remiss to agree to disagree with said self-diagnosis. You could chalk bits and pieces of my extended absence up to a mild case of festive laziness. I must mention that I also started a new job. It was time to get my ass back to where I belong. I belong to an organization called Chaos, and it is my unusual ability to be able to organize and portray a calming demeanor in the chaotic sector of the culinary industry that will always pull me back into the rough waters of constant commotion. This ability is both my blessing and my curse. The decision to go back and swim with the big fish was a tough one. And while ego tried to play the pied piper it was my confidence that led me towards the light of something new. The newness of experience is bliss in limbo.
So instead of reflecting on the past year, I have had my sights pointed in the direction of adapting and promoting myself to the garden of well being. Instead of making myself empty promises, the soul and I have discussed that we would like to instead contribute to Twenty Greateen with nothing other than the novelty of experience. You see life is all about experience, nothing is learned when experience goes stagnant. Life is repetitive enough, in order to generate the excitement of life, one must create through the channels of reverence.
It may take a revolution of reverence to get me where I need to go, but for now I have to catch this train while I still have some daylight. It’s a train that I can’t miss because it’s a one-way trip to an outpost of thought that I first visited this time last year. I am no longer walking awry on the eggshells of fear. It is not in my nature to always do what others think I should do, it is in my nature to do what I think is best for me. Nor will I always choose the safest routes—consider me warned—but they are the routes I choose. It is my train of thought that keeps me in check and leads me astray, and I would never have it any other way. After all isn’t experience, either good or bad, the greatest wealth one can achieve?
Life is a circle and so it is the going, not the getting there, that makes all the difference. A year ago, this blog came to life by me visiting my own Creative Outpost. In the time that has passed, I have struggled to find balance in my message, let alone myself. I have a balance about me that can sometimes even me out, but sometimes I feel that ole villain-like vertigo digging for my dizziness and juggling between my disoriented spirit and my soul. I have learned that the best way to achieve balance most days is with a rant in my pocket and a trick up my sleeve. Sometimes though we have to go to by the wayside and swallow our pride. Then we can stand right back up from our fallen stance and invite vertigo to experience the dance.
The spirit of ego moonlights as a self-inflicted wound. A wound that must be tended to, but in the sense of irony, the wound of ego will never heal. Unless? We manage to replace the self-interest of ego with confidence in the respect of reverence. Then and only then, we can see the mockery hidden in the definition of reverence. Reverence belongs to a community—it is a collective feeling of euphoria—that only gets stronger with the confidence of man. It must be noted though that when confidence and ego find themselves in such close proximity to one another the magnetic field forces a negative reaction engrained in the philosophy of segregation. When these two feed off of each other in the dimmed light of negative feedback they push the other away with a force somewhat explained, yet widely misunderstood by mankind.
It is in this same void of synchronicity that dizzies the head of a man into a barbaric spin and beckons him to Fall. Such is life without experience. It is through experience that we gain knowledge. And through the knowledge of experience we begin to synch with the wisdom of reverence. When we begin to examine the lost art of reverence we see that it demands to be treated as an ideal and the feelings of awe, respect, and shame must be treated exactly as they feel, as long as they balance each other out. Too much awe for one’s self is written with vanity in the agenda of arrogance. Too little awe, for instance, in the majesty of heaven’s harmony in nature, and one cannot begin to believe in the beauty of basic human endowment.
The spirit of ego carries around a lot of emotional waste and this always indicates itself as dramatic. The ego plays the isolator in it’s own narration of its distorted reality. Ego strangles the genuine reality that surrounds it, therefore allowing it to thrive in its own fantasy of bullshit. So would that mean that my ego is isolating itself as the motive for my writing? That should give you something to chew on for a while. I do not believe it to be, but that could be my ego talking?
The spirit of confidence floats around willing to help wherever his knowledge is needed. Confidence is the farthest thing away from arrogance. Confidence believes what the collective thinks, while the ego festers in its own thought and it own stubborn ways. What if confidence is wisdom and the ego, knowledge? Confidence shares its proficiency to solve the problem while the ego calls the solution its own, born from the problem it creates. It is confidence that carries a collective coalition and one complicated ego can destroy it all. Could it be that confidence is reverence, and isn’t it reverence that humiliates the ego? In the end, it is the spirit of confidence that makes a mockery in the face of self-absorbtion.
So in short, sorry for the delay. The job I took will eventually allow me more time to create and it is my hope to be able to strengthen the consistency of this blog and its message. It wasn’t my intent or purpose to run astray with this post, sometimes it just happens that way. I felt it was necessary to grease the so called wheels of my imagination. Thank you for managing to make it this far.
6 thoughts on “Roadblocked Thought”
Thanks. I enjoyed the post. Sometimes I wonder whether confidence is just our natural deeper state and it is the egoic mind that constantly attempts to smother it in doubt. When I look for confidence within it seems to be always quietly present. Its the darn ego that peppers the thought stream with reasons not to be confident. I suspect the only weapons one has against the confidence thief is awareness, will and critical contemplation of the doubts.
The ego is a muscle. Just add fame and watch it swell.
Life is a garden…. dig it?
“If there is ever a moment that I find myself stuck in forever, I shall just fall behind and let the path unwind and allow my steps to carry me back to this very morning.” Ah, I loved this so much. I just spent 5 minutes re-reading the first paragraph the way you would listen to a song on repeat when you first discover it. Thank you for posting!
I appreciate you taking the time to read. Thank you for the feedback. Have a wonderful day.
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You’re welcome 🙂 Have a wonderful day too!